shalimarfox: (Oh Is That So?)
Shalimar was rummaging through all the drawers in the kitchen looking for a bag of coffee so that she could at least attempt to brew a new pot. However it seemed that everything she found had just enough for a single spoonful of grounds and that was barely enough for a single cup, let alone a pot. She knew who to blame too, and instead of just letting it silently fester in the back of her mind she slammed the cabinet door shut and headed through the complex.

Her stride was long and quick as she hovered in the doorway of Emma's room wondering if she wanted to watch her kick Brennan's ass, but Emma wasn't reading or moping, or whatever she had been doing recently. It was different having more people at Sanctuary, but Alec and Max were good ones at least, and the research they had been able to sort out about their Manticore project had interested all of them a little bit.

Planning an attack was going to take time, but at least they all had something to do. Shal finally got to Brennan's room, but of course that was empty as well. Which wasn't shocking, because it seemed that everyone had something to do that wasn't shopping or replacing what they took from the kitchen.

Standing in the middle of the hallway just in front of the training platform Shal brought her comm ring to her mouth and smirked, "So... apparently Brennan has used all the coffee in Sanctuary. I'm going to hit the Cuppa'Cup on the corner here in fifteen minutes, then once I actually have caffeine in me? I'm going to the club. If anyone wants to join me? Just meet me in the garage."

Even by now Alec and Max had been issued comm rings, since it was just easier to keep track of everyone along with their body rhythms which had intrigued Adam a bit more than Shalimar figured they were comfortable, but Shal assured them he wasn't going to pick them apart, he just wanted to monitor them for a while.

Shalimar headed to the garage and leaned up against the side of the car, hoping that she wasn't going to be taking the trip out alone. She wanted to have some fun, and fun was generally better with groups of three or more.

[ooc: open to Max, Alec, Emma or Brennan for some random out and about fun!!]
shalimarfox: (Upset [on ground])
I've handed out my fair share of second chances, and most times it ended up hurting me more than the first time around. I should learn my lesson by now I guess, but each time it comes up, there seems to be an entirely new set of circumstances that go along with it. Who am I to say who deserves it and who doesn't? I end up following through and seeing what comes of it in the end. There's no way that I'm going to say no right off the bat, because the one thing I've actually learned, is that help can come from the oddest places.

I gave my dad a second chance. It's a sore subject for me, because when you wake up and realize that you're not like the other girls, and your parents decide to lock you up for your own safety, there aren't many things they can do to deserve that do-over in life. My dad was still my dad though, no matter what.

I had kept myself seperate from him since the day I escaped that prison. I thought I was doing myself a favor just staying away from him, staying out of his life because I honestly knew that I wasn't a part of his life. He wanted the daughter that was born to him, he wanted the perfect girl that was normal. Well at least his definition of normal. He thought he could fix me, or cure me.

The big problem with thinking that way, is that if you think you can be cured, then you have to admit that there is something wrong with you. I am a firm believer in the thought that there is nothing wrong with me at all, I'm just a bit different.

When I went back to my dad it was just to make sure that he wasn't what everyone thought he was, that he wasn't dealing with people that he shouldn't be. I thought that maybe after everything he had put his past... he had put me behind him. He was still so set on that thought that he could fix me and make me his daughter again. I just knew that no matter how many chances I gave him, he was still going to end up thinking the same way. That I was the problem. That I was the one that was flawed.

Second chances are fine to hand out, but it just doesn't mean they're deserved, or that they'll actually be worth anything in the end.
shalimarfox: (Straight Laced)
Live the life I do and trust isn't an easy thing to come across. There are people out there that will sell you down the river if they think it gives them half a second more on their own existence. Genomex is out there making deals, selling their souls trying to get to Adam, trying to get to us. Everytime we try to reach out and help someone we have to wonder just who is behind it all.

Every person I run across, every person I try to save from a life that I know I would never want, I have to question. It's become an automatic response for me. There is actually a process that my mind runs through aside from the usual reactions. It's a mental checklist and even sometimes when I get to the bottom of it, the trust still isn't there.

It's funny too, because even the people I do trust, even the ones I think I'm the closest to have all betrayed me in one way or another. Adam's lied... Brennan's shut me out, and Emma... I know sometimes she knows something but she keeps it to herself. It's all part of the game we play I guess. All part of the lives we have learned to lead.

Trust just shouldn't be so hard to gain though, it shouldn't be this unattainable thing in my life. I just know that most times the only person I can ever trust... is myself.
shalimarfox: (Looking Up [helicopter])
Since I've pulled Shalimar from Fandom Muses and most of the people that had her friended were from WAY back when FM started I went ahead and did a ban_set on all the journals that I either knew were from FM and not EM, or ones that were long since not being used.

If you look at her profile and see that I've banned you and you are IN Elite Muses with her? Please let me know. Because even though I might not have your character friended doesn't mean I don't want them to comment to her.

So yes. Shalimar is in Elite Muses only right now. Anyone else feel free to defriend her to avoid having to read her posts that no longer really affect you and yours!

shalimarfox: (Smirk = CommRing [BW])
Shalimar had been out for a random drive trying to clear her head. It had been a trying week, and there wasn't anything around for her to actually do. Genomex had actually been fairly quiet, and Proxy for once didn't have an opinion on anything. It was just high time to get herself out of Sanctuary and into the real world. The top was down on the car and she felt like she could finally breathe. She had just passed the grocery store on the corner when Adam contacted her through comms.

"Shalimar? Are you still out on your drive?"

Smirking to herself she replied, "Can't you pick me up on GPS? Maybe you can tell me where the nearest club is at? Better than OnStar."

"Actually, I just locked onto you, but I'm a bit concerned about something that Proxy Blue just broadcasted about. Truth be told, I know that she's a gossip pool, but something about it doesn't sound right."

"Think it's Genomex? They've been quiet... almost too quiet. Here patch the feed through to the display. I'll pull over here." Shalimar pulled the car over and flipped up the display screen on the dash console. There was Proxy in all her digital glory yapping on about some influx of power.

"You ask me, power outages in that neighborhood are happening too much for my taste. Girl's gotta enjoy air conditioning in heat like this. It could be me, but I think someone should check that power grid. Someone claimed that lightening did strike... let's hope not in the same place twice."

"God I hate her. If she was anymore cryptic? I'd have to hire a translater. So you want me to just take a drive out there? See what exactly is going on?" Shalimar asked as she closed the LCD panel down into the console.

"If it's not too much trouble Shalimar, I'd appreciate it."

"No trouble at all Adam, that's what night drives are for right? I'll contact you if I find something," she signed off her comm and pulled back onto the road turning around and heading toward where the rumored power surges were coming from.

When she pulled up, she saw something she wasn't quite expecting. Between the two buildings was what looked like live lightning, just crackling and sparking. If there was a New Mutant around causing it thought she couldn't see them. The bolts just trailed up the side of the buildings like they were holding them together by some ethereal strands of light. Bringing her comm-ring up she called Adam. "Hey Adam? I'm here, but it's not what we thought. In fact it's nothing like I've ever seen. It's lightning. But it's not going anywhere. Almost like it's a constant charge just regenerating. Maybe someone created it, but whoever it was they are gone now. I'm gonna move in closer, it seems to be getting brighter."

Shalimar moved up a bit trying to get as close as she could without harming herself too much. "It's definitely odd."
shalimarfox: (with Emma Laughing)
See if this was the other way around? I'd have a hell of a lot more fun writing it. All those people that I could really do without in my life? The Mason's of the world, the people that write checks in the ten items or less aisle at the grocery store? All those parents that have the "My Kid Can Beat Up Your Honor Student" bumper stickers, and the ones with the Honor Student ones to match. I could do without the guy that sold me the Lucky Bamboo promising me that it wouldn't die unless someone actually tried to kill it, because that really worked out right?

However despite the Bamboo Incident of '06? Emma is my girl. I know that kind of sounds all gangser rapper-centric or something, but it's true. Let's discount all the times she's saved my ass, and focus on the other things. Like how she can make me crack up in a fit of laughter at the drop of a hat. That even if she borrows my iPod and forgets to charge it back, that I know there will be a few new songs on there once I get it up and running again.

Sure I could live without the little annoyances she brings my way, and I'll catch hell for most of the content in this, but? It's fine, cause I can handle her. I can handle the ups and downs of our friendship because I know that in the end? She's got my back as much as I have hers.

Plain and simple.
shalimarfox: (Pissed)
Dear World,

Hey. Guess what!! We are stuck on this damn island!! I swear if I knew fate had it out for me like this? I would not have suggested we crash that yacht party. We could have all been gambling in Vegas having an amazing time in something that the rest of the world calls AIR CONDITIONING. Instead we are traipsing around the jungle for hours on end tracking down a shuttle from outerspace. There are dead people just walking around having conversations with the guy that I met in Vegas and dragged along for the ride.

Did I mention how I could be in Vegas now? I could be doing all those sinful things in Sin City, but instead? Yep. Jungle.

Anyway, if I had a bottle I'd send this little baby off and no one would even have a clue where to look anyway. They'd get the bottle and pretty much scratch their head and wonder where exactly we are.

Tell you what, I'd love to know too. I'm sure there is some sort of interferance on this island too because my commring? The one that is supposed to work ALL over the FREAKING planet?? Doesn't work here. That's a tiny bit more frustrating than the lack of air conditioning.

Anyway world, just had to tell someone how crappy this is. Because I'm not about to start dragging down the morale of everyone around me just because I feel that this situation is insane.

shalimarfox: (Get A'Load of Him)
Hey Emma?

I think we should gather up all the 'working' appliances and put them in a closet... somewhere away from where Brennan can't short them out?? I mean the coffee maker, the waffle iron, and I swear the toaster's been funky lately. I put two bagels in and one burns.
shalimarfox: (Oh Is That So?)
With a past like mine you would think that I'd love to go back and change it. That I would make my parents understand, or make myself normal. That I would want to make everything wrong in my life just go away in the blink of an eye.

The thing is that I know is that I know the truth. I know how my father is, I know the type of person he is. Changing the past isn't going to change the person he is, or the choices he would have made. Having a normal daughter might have meant that he'd never lock her up, but it doesn't change the fact that he would have.

I could change a thousand points of a timeline and still end up with the same family. I could change everything I've ever done in my life, and still end up in the same place I'm in now. Changing what happened might not make any differences in the end, so I think that I'm just better off leaving things the way they are. Because I happen to like the person that I am today.
shalimarfox: (Profile Stoic)
Parents are supposed to love their children. They are supposed to look into their eyes and see themselves reflected in the innocent expressions. They are supposed to accept them unconditionally, and be there for them no matter what. That's what parents are supposed to do, but mine never did.

Ten years old and I wasn't like the other kids in my class. I was stronger, and faster and I was considered 'out of control'. I was different, but it was who I was... or at least who I was becoming. My parents could have taken me into their arms and helped me. They could have tried to love me and make things better, or easier for me. They could have accepted me, but instead they looked to the thought that I wasn't normal, that there was something wrong with me.

I was ten years old and I was put in a psychiatric institution. They pushed enough sedatives into me to stop at least ten kids, but it couldn't keep me down. So when the drugs didn't work, they turned to beating me. Three to four grown men would come into my room and beat me until I was unconscious... at ten years old. My father, the one that should have loved me.. the one that should have told them to stop hurting me just told them to do whatever it took. To keep it up, that if beating me was the only way? Then that was the only way. I wasn't his daughter, because I wasn't normal. I was some thing to be dealt with. He wanted them to fix me... to make me normal, and for some reason he thought that they could beat me into normalcy.

I had no one, I had nothing. I'd cry myself to sleep some nights hoping that it was all a dream. That being locked up, having my own father look at me that way... that it wasn't real. I tried to imagine that the blows to my sides were just him trying to shake me awake from the horrors I was trapped in. I never woke up though. Each morning my eyes would flutter open and I'd still be in that place. Being looked at as a thing, instead of a daughter. I knew he'd never look at me the same way, I knew I wasn't going to just become normal for him. I knew that I was changing into what I was supposed to become. My powers were growing and one night? When the orderlys came for me? I saw my chance. I showed them what it was like to be scared... really scared that the end was coming.

That ten year old girl that was too fast, too strong and too wild? She showed them the definition of out of control. I ran from that place, and I never wanted to look back. I wanted to be able to look at myself and know that I was normal, just the way I was. The way he looked at me, how he looked right throught me... still creeps into my sleep at night. The difference is that when I wake up now, it is just a dream. I know that I'm safe and sound and that the eyes staring me back in the mirror are my own, and I'm not ashamed of what I am. I have no reason to be.
shalimarfox: (Meep!)
Look I know we don't keep tabs on you at all times, and there are those random trips you take? But is there something you aren't telling us??

I mean you look good, really... but I just never thought you were the type to model was all.

[ooc: of course this is magic bendy time before shal and emma went to Vegas and crashed on the island]
shalimarfox: (Feral HOTNESS)
It's more than a physical attraction, there's an undeniable amount of chemistry. Those small details that only you notice, the way they don't just look at you, they look into you. When they do look at you, that way? You feel it. Undeniable attraction, or heat whatever you want to call it there's no escaping that feeling. It'll start in your head fogging your vision, making things a bit more complicated than you thought it could be. Those small details, the ones only you notice start to be the only thing you can think about. The vision that you have, all foggy and unclear suddenly is only focused on those details. The color of their eyes, the curve of their mouth. The slight breath they take before their lips meet yours.

The details, small and insignificant on their own become everything to you, and that notion will travel from your head to your stomach. Deep and heavy that sensation will burn through you. It'll become like a hunger that you'll never quell. The need for survival, never based on this before will suddenly become only this- this feeling.

Realizing that it will never fufill you, that you'll always crave it- that desire and lust, you'll let it move lower. You'll figure that it won't last forever, but it'll last just long enough for right now. The release you'll want, crave, desire, demand will be just a simple way of trying to make the need stop. To let go of it, but instead it will eat you alive. Swallow you whole, and never look back.

That release you thought would free you, instead captures you and makes it so that you'll never be free again. You'll hunt for it, stalk your prey and realize that the small details that used to fill your thoughts are never small details at all, the smallest detail is the word itself.

shalimarfox: (Side Eyebrow/Smirk)
Shalimar weaved her way through the crowd effortlessly. Her sense of direction not only helped her but it was a blessing in tight spots like this one. With Emma's hand grip locked onto her wrist and Frank rounding out the odd string of people that they had become Shalimar made no haste in finding their way to the bar. As luck would have it there was a small area that just opened up along the bartop and the three of them had gotten there just in time.

"See and you thought we were going to be late! My flying is top notch these days, even with the slight bit of turbulence that we hit it wasn't that bad!" Shal winced away from the slight pinch on her side that Emma was giving her, but truth be told it was the least of her worries when it came to Emma. When a girl can project images of whatever she wanted into your mind? That would be a bigger issue to worry about. However Shal wasn't concerned with that she was more concerned with making sure that Frank was between her and Emma.

Shalimar finally got the attention of the bartender and ordered a round for the three of them. Spinning to face the rest of the crowd Shalimar leaned her elbows up onto the bar and scanned the crowd for familiar faces. It was odd, because some of them she actually recognized from the New Years party. Not that any of them would remember Emma and her, but if they did it would have been a pleasant surprise.

"Few familiar faces, too bad we have no names to put with them." Shal remarked as she turned back around in time to take her drink into her hand. Lifting her glass to Frank and Emma she toasted the night, "To crashing parties and taking names!"

[open to Emma and Frank of course who are at the bar. Anyone and I mean anyone else is welcome to join them. Emma and Shalimar were at the New Years Party but left early to cause trouble elsewhere.]
shalimarfox: (Shalimar Outline Shadow (lollobrigda))
Shal was bored as usual, and due to Emma's early morning antics she had crashed out on the couch an hour ago watching SoapNet convinced she had seen Jesse's twin. It had been the topic as of late, the whole male quiz thing sparking it of course. Still Shal was restless and from the recent barrage of comments she had gotten from Brennan via her own journal she opted to just leave sleeping beauty on the couch to sleep it off and head out with Brennan.

She tiptoed past Emma and did a four minute change of clothes which meant actually getting dressed in something other than her yoga pants and tank top. She got dressed, tugged her boots on and clicked all the way down to the garage where low and behold Brennan was already waiting and leaning against her car. "You smudge my clean car? You'll be washing it for me." She pressed the locks on her keychain and moved to the drivers side. Opening the door she slid in and waited for Brennan to take passenger before she opened the big doors to the outdoors.

Revving her engine for a second she peeled out and took off down the road away from the mountain that hid Sanctuary from the world and into the night. After a twenty minute ride with Brennan messing with the XM Radio, they pulled up into the parking lot of the club and she tossed the keys to the valet as they headed into the club.

"Try to keep up, cause I'm not shy about leaving you here." She tossed Brennan a wink and headed into the club.
shalimarfox: (Side Eyebrow/Smirk)
Country music.

I don't understand it nor will I ever not physically feel like I am about to retch at the twangy sound of someone singing about how they found out they aren't going to die so they're trying to make do with their new outlook on life. I'll admit I've had to listen to it a few times. Adam being the connoisseur of music that he is sometimes tinkers with the XM and sticks me with someone wailing on about hoping they dance, or live, or get buried in some cemetary. There's songs about getting cancer, and losing your car, and driving recklessly just because you have faith in a higher power. Songs about why they sing country music and how they convert fans over to their side. There are songs about losing a baby, or finding your mother, or there is even one that ends with truckers lined up outside a little boys house willing to give him a ride in their trucks.

It unnerves me.

Not only that? It makes me wonder who actually wants to listen to that kind of depressing music while they work out? Adam has to know that I put the radio on while I run, and yet he does it like clockwork every other Tuesday. This is why I have my iPod, now if Emma would stop borrowing it? I wouldn't have to let it charge on Tuesdays and stick me with country.

You know I'd almost think she does it on purpose.
shalimarfox: (with Emma Laughing)
So I took this quiz and really it was just an excuse to look at hot guys for a few minutes, but Brennan? Mind telling me why this guy looks exactly like you? And mind telling me why you don't wander around Sanctuary in your underwear? I mean I'm sure Emma wouldn't mind. I know I wouldn't.

The Quiz Results and Brennan's Semi-Nude Twin? )
shalimarfox: (Feral HOTNESS)
If I could do something and have no consequences to it? I'd kill Mason Eckhart. Flat out, just walk up to him and shoot him point blank range. I know it's pretty drastic, but I would. All that he's done to those that I care about? Hell even to those that I don't even know? A man like that doesn't deserve life at all.

Now he does deserve to suffer, but see I'm being a bit courteous and just ending his life quickly. I could put him through the same torments that he puts other mutants through, or I could even just leave him somewhere to rot. I mean if I can get away with it why not right? Sure I could go rob a bank and set myself up for life, or I could go find some random guy and have an interesting night, but that seems selfish to me. Killing Mason would do the world a favor.

Adam will disagree with me, and I think even deep down I disagree with myself, but just the thought of a world without him looming over my shoulder? It's a nice break.
shalimarfox: (Sorrow)
His name was Richard Saunders. It was an instant connection when I saw him. There was no mistaking exactly who or what he was to me. He seemed to just fit. Trust me I wasn't going around thinking that I was the only one of my kind, I had found other Ferals before, but Richard - it was different with him. It was love at first sight, which for me to even admit to is almost as insane as the notion that it exists.

Things got complicated though, and I know you are saying that's just how life is. Life's complicated, and love is the top of the list. The thing is that being a Mutant is who I am. It's not exactly how I define myself, but it is a pretty big part of the package that is me. Richard had found a cure though. He had a connection to someone and thought that there was something wrong with him. That if he could just get rid of that extra part of him that life could be even more amazing. He wanted that life with me too, and I made the choice to let him heal me too. I took my first dose of the cure when he took his final one. I thought I would feel different somehow, but instead I was blinded by the love we shared together.

I woke up in the morning to what was supposed to be the beginning of our lives together and found him suffering. I did what I knew I had to do, even if it was against his own wishes. I called for help, and tried to do anything I could to save this man that I was willing to give it all up for. The cure, if you can even call it that just started to break down his genetic structure. I tried to help, but there was nothing I could do but say goodbye.

He took those last moments he had with me and saved me too. Told Adam to use his bone marrow to help save me. I thought I had known pain before. That being shot at, or electrocuted or any of the countless things that Mason and Genomex had done to me, but pain? Was nothing compared to this.

Creating a cure for me put stress on his own body, and made what time he had left even shorter. He took away those moments with me to ensure I would have more time. I sat there at his side crying while he faded away. Physical pain has limits, but the raw emotion is what really hurts.
shalimarfox: (Default)
Response to come
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